We no longer have a location for our Biblioteca Tecnológica... Looks like the only way the office with be given to us is by loaning it to us. Which I very frankly and clearly said that I would not be able to help in any way monetarily if the building is only loaned to us. Why, you ask? Because with the estimates we made on the renovations, it's about a $1,000,000 peso project. And in 2 years, 5 years, 10, lo que sea, they could turn around and go, "Oh hey, we want our office back now. You've gotta leave." After all the money, work, pride, sweat, and I'm sure blood that will be poured into it's concrete walls and electricity pumping batteries?
I just can't.
So new plans are in the making, maybe even building from the ground up. Might be cheaper in reality but will definitely take longer. And the last I spoke with another volunteer, the number 10 escaped her mouth for what remains in months of our service and I almost threw up. It's amazing how time and how it feels changes so drastically. Normally, 10 months is a long time. It no longer is.
I'm beaten down, but never defeated. I still have faith. I still have fight. But when you cut yourself, naturally you react by pulling back, clenching your teeth, or swiftly covering it with an available hand. But only moments after, your body relaxes again and you move forward, even if the bleeding continues a little. After all, underneath and through the pool of blood rising, you know that a clot is slowly and quietly forming.
In other news, today is Wednesday and for the second week in a row on the same day of the week, the water truck came through. I don't want to get too excited that is could be a regular thing but I'll admit, I danced about it today. I didn't go to the river once last week. It's funny though, I almost miss it. A volunteer came to visit to work on conference planning and she asked what arm workouts I do... I laughed and silently showed her my best friends: my gallon jugs. But I swear to you due to a mood wave of seriousness currently washing over me that I can say that I miss it. Just don't tell the same self that is climbing up the hill next time, full jugs in hand, and heart pounding so hard she can feel it in her chest...
TiTin and my Doña left yesterday morning and it's killing me. They went to go visit one of her daughters in Santiago de la Cruz and the emptiness left behind the trails of guagua dust and cold negligence of the locked up house have made me restless. It still amazes me how deep these people seeped into my blood and became family, no biology included.
The President was in Restauración today. Ha, yup. And I had made plans so I couldn't go. I was told this morning. His whole shpeel was on education, kinda what I'm here for but my incredible committee President went and gave our solicitation letter to his Secretary. Maybe a dead end, but I'm proud as hell that she did that.
Tonight I went to visit a younger couple up the road. He had shot three palomas that day, was cooking one of them, and wanted me to have a taste. I ended up staying until 11pm sharing nightmares, horror stories of the nighttime here, ghosts and spirits and haunted houses, and then? All that Mariano Cestero used to be in the past. Full of life, events, compartiring, and just an all around feel of what a real community should be like-bonded as a family. They lamented that things have changed, no one seems to care anymore and in turn, the next up-and-coming generation is suffering and is going to continue to suffer. What happened? They simply don't know.
It's like the void I spoke about in a letter to my boss (see below). There's one part we can see or used to see. And then there's today and reality. But the middle is lacking, mysterious, and haunting. No one seems to understand what happened or how to combat it... Change is challenging. And while the past should remain in the past, sometimes it's a necessity to at least recognize it in order to learn from it. And then if there's no vision forward? Change becomes nearly impossible. Pero venga lo que venga, something's has to happen.
As promised and as a close, here's my email to my boss. More thoughts flow behind its response but I'll save organizing and sharing those for when the response arrives:
Greetings and Peaceful Mornings from the Frontier!
Julie here with just some questions when her thoughts wander and a desire for understanding takes over. And I included our beloved Brenden in this email to continue expanding the possibility of answers.
In my experiences with the summer talleres last year and then seeing a few more here, this year, I find myself seeing (or rather, feeling) a void but am unsure as to where said void lies. Yesterday in my school, we sat tirelessly and read through the 52 page First Cycle Pedagogical Manual. And it's a beautiful document. It addresses all aspects from students with special needs, to the importance of taking 45 minutes a day to read aloud to your students, to creating a student-centered curriculum, to never using abuse as a form of discipline, to recycling, to the ambience and physical space of the classrooms, to teaching through interactive methods and games... etc. These creations and ideas are obviously sent down to the foundations of this country by the top dogs in the Ministry of Education. They know what they're talking about. And I know we've (us volunteers and you) discussed this before; about how their ideas, movements, initiatives, and programs (all synonyms?) are incredible and if applied could/WOULD mean a total facelift in what is to be the future education system of this country.
Entonces, qué sucede? We see them and their knowledge of all things proper and then we go into the schools in the pueblos, campos, and cities, and this is not what we see. There is a void. Somewhere these ideas are sucked away and lost and all that's left are chalkboards, notebooks, and an impatience so great that hitting a child is easier and apparently more effective than any other behavior management strategy.
I could sit here and just say that it's just a lack of motivation in the teachers. Which makes the students lose enthusiasm. And then turn and blame parents for not motivating their students to arrive on time or study. Which then makes the teachers lose motivation. The cycle in which we hear daily and a cycle very difficult for us, or anyone, to break free of.
But maybe there's more? That's my question and forgive me for the long-windedness of the email to arrive at this point. Do you have a lot (or any really!) of experience looking into the universities in this country where teachers are molded and set free? What are the courses like? How do they learn? Do they learn all the goodies that the Ministry of Ed knows but choose not to use any of it? Or maybe arrive at reality and give up? Or maybe they don't learn these things so when they receive the material now, years in, for them it's useless to try and implement? Or they just don't feel they're paid enough to put the effort in?
Forgive me for some of the questions-they are innocent, I can promise you that. I just want/have a need to understand more. Maybe it all is just this cycle between teachers and parents but I guess I just don't want to accept that. Or while fighting to combat it currently, I would like to research and learn more to see if there's something else contributing to the beautiful battle we fight daily. Because if there is, and we can somehow get to the basis of it all (possibly opening up a whole other can-of-worms), the war might be less lengthy, less bloody, and both sides could walk out winning.
Take your time with this email and it's response if there is one! It's not on your top priority list right now, no worries :)
Hope all is well in the capital life.
Julie
Julie here with just some questions when her thoughts wander and a desire for understanding takes over. And I included our beloved Brenden in this email to continue expanding the possibility of answers.
In my experiences with the summer talleres last year and then seeing a few more here, this year, I find myself seeing (or rather, feeling) a void but am unsure as to where said void lies. Yesterday in my school, we sat tirelessly and read through the 52 page First Cycle Pedagogical Manual. And it's a beautiful document. It addresses all aspects from students with special needs, to the importance of taking 45 minutes a day to read aloud to your students, to creating a student-centered curriculum, to never using abuse as a form of discipline, to recycling, to the ambience and physical space of the classrooms, to teaching through interactive methods and games... etc. These creations and ideas are obviously sent down to the foundations of this country by the top dogs in the Ministry of Education. They know what they're talking about. And I know we've (us volunteers and you) discussed this before; about how their ideas, movements, initiatives, and programs (all synonyms?) are incredible and if applied could/WOULD mean a total facelift in what is to be the future education system of this country.
Entonces, qué sucede? We see them and their knowledge of all things proper and then we go into the schools in the pueblos, campos, and cities, and this is not what we see. There is a void. Somewhere these ideas are sucked away and lost and all that's left are chalkboards, notebooks, and an impatience so great that hitting a child is easier and apparently more effective than any other behavior management strategy.
I could sit here and just say that it's just a lack of motivation in the teachers. Which makes the students lose enthusiasm. And then turn and blame parents for not motivating their students to arrive on time or study. Which then makes the teachers lose motivation. The cycle in which we hear daily and a cycle very difficult for us, or anyone, to break free of.
But maybe there's more? That's my question and forgive me for the long-windedness of the email to arrive at this point. Do you have a lot (or any really!) of experience looking into the universities in this country where teachers are molded and set free? What are the courses like? How do they learn? Do they learn all the goodies that the Ministry of Ed knows but choose not to use any of it? Or maybe arrive at reality and give up? Or maybe they don't learn these things so when they receive the material now, years in, for them it's useless to try and implement? Or they just don't feel they're paid enough to put the effort in?
Forgive me for some of the questions-they are innocent, I can promise you that. I just want/have a need to understand more. Maybe it all is just this cycle between teachers and parents but I guess I just don't want to accept that. Or while fighting to combat it currently, I would like to research and learn more to see if there's something else contributing to the beautiful battle we fight daily. Because if there is, and we can somehow get to the basis of it all (possibly opening up a whole other can-of-worms), the war might be less lengthy, less bloody, and both sides could walk out winning.
Take your time with this email and it's response if there is one! It's not on your top priority list right now, no worries :)
Hope all is well in the capital life.
Julie
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