Friday, December 20, 2013

Nos Vemos Pronto

Diciembre 20, 2013

First things first:



Yup. This is the rooftop of the hotel that PC puts volunteers for whatever reason they might need to. As much as I'm still struggling, coming up here for the last two days and just soaking in the view, foregtting about all the garbage in the streets below, and loving the breeze that's blowing my hair in a thousand directions at once is therapeutic.
So Tuesday was the last day in my site. I spent most of it finishing packing, playing with my kids, and visiting Dulce and Moreno one more time. It was a numb day more than anything else. Then that night my munchkins came over and we had a blast. Sat and watched music videos on my iPad, danced, played Dominoes, and took more crazy pictures as my helmet was passed around to even the littlest ones:


It was perfection. And even getting them out of the house wasn't so bad. Yes, they hid in all parts to escape the inevitable but they weren't angry like normal. And I lost count of the hugs I get each time I somehow got them out the front door. Even Bebo who caused me the most problems and respected me the least gave me the best hugs and sat on my lap for a picture:


And cried while walking out with his mother... 

Wednesday I arose at 6:30am, hung out clothes that decided not to dry enough the day before, made my last cup of coffee, and finished putting everything in the front room. Ann arrived at 9:30 and we loaded up the truck. Then the visit to the school. It was "Kid's Day" so they were having a party. We talked with Natividad, Ann gave her a letter to pass around the community, and not a single community member showed up to fight for me. And they had told me the night before they would. This brought a mix of emotions. It saved me from feeling more guilt than I already do and from Ann having to deal with them. But it was just one more way in which I saw their promises and saw them not get followed through. I didn't want them to do it for me, I wanted it to do it for them. If they did, they would have proven themselves and a possibility of another volunteer in their near future would have been brighter. So I will admit feeling disappointment for them. We even passed by Ramona on our way out doing laundry; the one who made the biggest fuss about me leaving. But such is life.
Ramona (teacher) made the kids all chant "We love you" as I was leaving and since once would never be enough, there were three chants, each one getting louder. And if you're all wondering, yes, the tears were flowing. 
We pulled out onto the thruway and it was official. I left behind something beautiful, frustrating, life-changing, and challenging. There were problems, there were uncertainties, and while I know this is the right decision, I left a bigger part of my heart than I thought I would and after such a short amount of time. I'm not going to have anything left in this chest if this all keeps up. But we carry on. Pack up our things with another suitcase of unknowns, nerves, depression and anger but all alongside a bottle of faith. Faith that my next site will be all that this one couldn't be. But also be all that this site was. 
I have some more details but I will save those for when I get there so I can show you all and know more. My flight heads home to Buffalo this Sunday morning and my soul couldn't be any more ready. To see my family and friends and be encouraged like they do so I could turn around in three weeks and start all over again. Because right now, I will admit, the only motivation I have is getting through the craziness that are airports which still give me anxiety haha.
So I leave this blog at a standstill until I come back. I may do something if the flip side of culture shock actually exists but until the 12 of January, I leave you. I'll be back with a vengeance and ready to fight again, I promise. In the meantime, I wish and pray that all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hold your dear ones tight and make memories you'll never forget. I'm sure going to.
Nos vemos pronto.



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