Wow. September flew by. And as I lay here absolutely exhausted from today's classes (all 5 of them), I'm struggling as to which parts of my many thoughts to address. But I shall try and share them anyways, hopefully somewhat cohesively.
I may have mentioned this before but it still amazes me. When I first received that blue envelope with my invitation and copious amounts of information, I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what was about to be my reality in a country I had only ever seen on a map. Overwhelmed by the fact that I was going to live away from home for TWO whole years (and 3 months). And overwhelmed by the unknown: what would I struggle most with, my everyday life or my PC job?
Overwhelmed. And now? More than a year later, I am looking forward and backwards. All that I've done, not done, and what's left ahead of me. 8 more months. 2 years used to seem so incredibly long. But oh how it has flown by... And I've only got 8 months? That's not enough time for anything. I feel panicky and doubtful.
But then my thoughts continue. Would a year be enough? Another year after these 8 months? 2 years? The answer I know to be true is a deafening "No." And sometimes that kills me. Whether I'm home in the states or here, there are always ways we can better ourselves, always ways we can better others, and always ways we can change the future. A single lifetime will never be enough. Here nor there. Here, things just become more challenging with the cultural differences. There are things I want to change. Things I want to scream. Ways I want to make them listen. Sometimes I doubt myself, with reason. Things don't always have to be the way we do them. Other times, I doubt myself when I see how poorly the kids behave in school and how physical abuse is used as punishment and it works. And I think to myself, "Well, I guess my methods would never work here. It's just a different world."
And then I do another backflip and prove myself wrong again. I had 5 technology classes today. Planned, prepared, and executed the way I would back in the states (with limited resources, of course). And it went beautifully. From 4th grade all the way through 8th, we did a dinámica, an art activity to gauge their understanding before teaching any material, and then an introduction to the mini keyboards. They behaved. Had a blast with the dinámica and art. And took such good care of the keyboards and worked flawlessly in pairs (because there isn't enough for all).
My methods do work sometimes. So what's the problem? Complacency? A culture that for years and years has functioned one way doesn't just change with one person. And if that culture allows for more time to eat breakfast, more time to sit outside the school grounds during recess, less time planning at home, and less caring (because sometimes, the more we care, the more it hurts us)? Why change?
This is my reality. There are things I would never be able to change in 2 years, 3 or even 10. I have to accept this... it's still a work in progress and may forever be. But I will never like it. But there are also things I was never supposed to change...
So I will just continue to love my kids and love when I have my own classes with them (no matter how crazy it gets and even when I get accused of "robbing the kids' recess time" when I simply ask if we can start on time because I want to successfully teach two more classes in the time allotted to me...). I'm certainly not always right, and sometimes when I am, I'm ignored. It's just one of those parts of life, PC life maybe, and it's okay.
At the end of the day, we are alive and well and trying to make tomorrow better. For now, it's just about tomorrow. And that's all we can do.
No comments:
Post a Comment