Meditate in Reality

October 21, 2013. 

First off, two of the biggest Happy Birthdays IN THE WORLD go out to my munchkin way far away in the land of Grand Island and my big brother over there in PA. I miss you both like you can't even imagine and thank God every day for those two blessings in my life. LOVE YOU.

So again, it's been a while (and I think I'm going to stop saying that since it seems to be happening more and more often, sorry). But instead of sharing what's going on now, I'm going to share something different. It's been insane, changing my project, starting new ones, no longer going to the school, needing to get Diego neutered because now he's angry at people too (and I'm worried he'll turn against my kids soon) etc. I'm stressed beyond belief, and while I know what I'm about to do is way better (hopefully perfect but I'm sure I'll have to change more here and there as I experience more), I'm still not feeling quite like myself yet. But briefly, before I move on, my focus is now switching to just my third graders individually, and the majority of them at their homes. Individually I feel will be more effective in shorter time and then will allow me to move to my second graders when I believe they've advanced enough. In the homes will allow me to interact with the parents/guardians and hopefully inspire/teach them to get involved with the education of their kids more. Also, I am starting an informal preschool out of my house and have a girl about my age currently studyng education to help me. In that way, when I leave in two years, she can continue the class and we will have already structured a curriculum together. More investigating is also being done to see if there is an interest to have "parenting classes" with the help of my pastor. I've got another meeting with my community leaders this Friday and then a teacher conference in the capital this weekend. And will also be neutering Diego. Again, I'm stressed.

But I'd like to just share something I found in my notebook while organizing my things today. I wrote this back when I was in Monte Plata in April and although I'm overwhelmed, defeated, confused, and jealous of those volunteers who seem to have extra time all the time with nothing to do (???), I still agree with the conclusion that this piece comes to. So. Here you go. Enjoy the wordiness that is my writing.

"My home. Outside on the porch, the cement is cracked and chipped away. The blue and yellow splotches are scattered in a random pattern. The zinc rippled fence across the way is rusted or rotting but fastened together with barbed wire. The road itself? Rocks, pebbles, and earth. The crickets have started their hum already and birds fly in to break the silence of the still trees. Houses here announce their presence with vibrant yellows, reds, pinks, and greens against the somewhat bland backdrop of the dust that gathers as the motos pass by. The people also have a way of screaming, "Here I am!" without their voices. Whether it be four Dominicans and a baby on one moto. Or the shameless stares as the American walks by. Or the tight pants of green and the tiny shirts of yellow. Or the music that pours out of every crevice of a house. Or kids playing with a stick and tire running down the street. Or simply the smell of pan con queso in the morning; arroz, habichuelas, y carne in the afternoon; and some sort of vivere con carne at night that drifts into the air as you pass.

This is my home. Although I will be moving once more but for good that time; here, in this country, I will live two years of my life. With the dogs, roosters, forever greens trees, zinc roofs, heat, rains, the ranas and cockroaches, ants and mosquitos, the waiting game that is diarrhea, la luz (or not), running water (or not) and the beautiful Dominican people.

I cannot explain the feeling, I cannot scratch this paper with the ink of truth just yet. Has it sunk in? I couldn't say. Am I ready? Not sure if that's possible. What about those I love back home? My faith is with Him for them. And for someone who has never travelled outside the US of A, the peace that washes over my heart when I take a minute to meditate in reality, reminds me that I'm where I belong."

Buenas noches.