La Lucha!

2 de Julio 2014. And the lucha has begun! This morning I arose at 7am after working until 1:30am last night. It was the day to start raising money for our project. Last night we had a meeting, just the committee and I, to discuss the chisme spreading about the group and to clear the air. It went really well. And after the day I had yesterday, I may or may not have shed some tears sharing a bit of my story.

People have been talking. Because the entire committee is made up of community members from el Cruce, those from here adentro de Mariano believe that they are fighting to put the center out there, and not in the more central location here. And they know people have been approaching me about this. So they cleared the air. For about an hour before they allowed me to talk. It was a bit overwhelming. But I've seen their passion and continue to witness it. I told them that for almost 8 months in KM59 I was searching, praying, and searching some more to find people like them. And after 8 months of no such luck, my boss made the decision to pull me out. But she made the right decision. As hard as it was, there was no one like these four here in my new home. No one. This was the moment when the tears fell. They told me they loved me and if my boss ever tried to pull me out of Mariano, they would hold a strike so big, my boss wouldn't be able to enter the community. It's funny.  KM59 said the same thing. I wanted to believe them. But then they remained in their homes doing laundry or cleaning the day that Ann came to take me away. But this time? I can honestly tell you that I believe them. And it feels incredible.

Anyways, afterwards we planned for today. So I went home and made two cartulinas:

Our group name, "Collection of Funds" and what it was for; our Biblioteca Tecnológica. So at 8am, I arrived in the Cruce and with a rope and red shirt tied to it, we made a Parada. The rope was crossed over the main road and anytime a moto or car or truck approached, we raised the rope to signal them to stop. We showed the posters, explained our cause, and asked for their support; anything they could give, even if it was a single peso. And for 5 hours in the blazing sun we worked. And in the end? Raised $2,405RD. Pretty damn awesome if you ask me. It's not much but it's a start. And yet again, this was not my idea and I didn't do much to run it. Even more beautiful asi.

And just para que sepan, this is the main location we're looking into doing it: 

It's got two main, bigger rooms:

 a bathroom:

Two smaller side rooms (I'm thinking an office and then tearing down the one wall of the other to make the library half a little bigger):

A kitchen area, water storage hole, and two entrances. It needs work as I'm sure you can tell. And while we would have to have two people managing it at all times since it's separated, I LOVE the idea of having a separate library space and internet center space. I'm absolutely serious when I say I don't see what these pictures portray when I visit there. I already see the walls painted (lots of different drawings included-maybe a map of the DR, flag, a tree made out of handprints of my munchkins, etc), the bathroom beautifully made up, the shelves filled with books (we've already started that movement from all the help from YOU back home!), the chairs and couches (I know, dreaming big) to comfortably sit and read, the computers buzzing with power, and the outside made up with the name and other drawings to make it look appealing. Maria (our doctor) went to the capital this week and brought our letter to solicite the location. Here's to winning them over and hoping that by showing the owners the pictures and it's horrible condition, they'll gladly give it up for a better cause.

And now? With one burnt shoulder and un sueño fuerte, I'm resting. The damn sun in this country really is brutal sometimes ;) 

Abrazos y besos! 

Something.

1 de Julio 2014. Today was difficult. I fought myself all morning on whether or not to go fetch water from the river. I had slept in, simply not wanting to get up for whatever reason. I did some work and finally convinced myself to go. One boy, who has been the hardest to win over, but whom I love dearly, came with me. The other morning he woke up, drank water, and five minutes later, threw up. But threw up nothing because the previous day, he hadn't eaten anything.

He is 14 and lives with his grandmother. His father is here in Mariano with two younger kiddos. He was born of a different mother who lives in a community nearby but she has her own family. The way his father cares for, treats, and loves his youngest two is not how he treats this one. He cooks here and feeds the little ones but gives nothing to him. I've watched him get beat, criticized, and put down for many reasons. Whenever his father comes around now, he disappears, which causes more problems. He barely let's me put a gentle hand on his leg let alone hug him. But I tell him I love him anyways. And when I ask, he tells me he believes me. I hope he truly does. And I now bring half of my lunch and dinner back with me to give to him. 

Things have gotten better between him and I. He loves coming to the river with me, he offers to go buy my Botellon de agua and carry it to my house, and sometimes we play games on my tablet. The other night he cut up three pineapples and we made juice together in my blender, enjoying it cold the next day. I found out he loves picante just as much as I do. Last night was a cold night so I made hot chocolate and him, TiTin, Yoelbi, and I drank it, dunking the bread that I bought in it. 

Today we lugged water up the hill and to my house and his father was waiting, angry. Of course, venting to me in front of him, telling me how horrible his son is. How he goes to other houses and does chores but runs and hides when he knows he has chores here to do. How he wants to know how much the other families pay him to do their work and that it's abuse. I wanted to explode. Tell him that his neglect for his own son is more abuse than that will ever be. That while yes, he should do chores here seeing that it's where he lives, I understand why he doesn't. That he shouldn't ever consider himself a son of God allowing his oldest to starve while he feeds his younger two in front of him. How I want to take the whip from his hands and make him feel what he makes his son feel every time he lowers it onto his bare back. God forgive me for admitting to that.

Instead, I remained silent. And when there was a break in his rant, I walked to Dominga's house to hug little Naomi in the hopes that the tears threatening to fall would somehow soak their way back into my dehydrated body. A man from Vision Mundial came and had him write a letter to the man that sponsors him from the States; a beautiful program but one that holds many flaws (that's a whole other topic). I waited patiently and when he left, gave my little man the half of my food I had saved for him; but hidden in my house as to not let his father find out. It was 1:30am and this was the first time he had eaten all day.

My heart breaks for him. And I fear but also ache for the day when I finally work up the courage to unload on his father. It won't change a thing but I can't hold it in forever. Even his own mother hates the way he treats him but whenever she tries to say something, he shuts her up and tells her it's none of her business how he chooses to raise his children. Except it is her business. He sleeps with her and has no one else raising him.

I wish I could do more. But for now I will continue to feed him and tell him I love him in the hopes that I can be some small difference in his life. As for all of you, back home, reading this? Please send prayers for him and all the other children in situations like this or worse. It's not only in this country, sadly. The states carry many flaws that present themselves in many forms. And if all we can do is pray and maybe show someone we love them when no one else does? We can make a bigger difference than we will ever be aware of in this lifetime. It's not much. But it's something.

Community Walk and Location Dispute

26 de junio. Yesterday was beautiful. I've started running with Maria, the doctor, in the mornings and then with an App she's got on her phone, we do exercises on certain muscle groups. So four laps later and abdominal work, we parted ways. I cold-water bathed and read my Bible, the daily devotional, and the daily missal (thanks, Charles!) in the peace of my closed house. When all this was done, it was still only 8:30am! Haha I was exhausted still, yes, but that seems to be my norm. I spent the rest of the morning hanging out and walking around with my girl, Naomi. Side note: Found my camera!! Must have slipped it into a pocket of my suitcase below the one I normally put it in. I didn't know that pocket existed haha. But goodness did that make me feel better. I just didn't want to accept the fact that someone in my community stole it or that I was dumb enough to leave it in the capital hotel room.

After lunch I spent time with one of my Doña's daughters that was visiting. At 1:30 the rain clouds were rolling in and the thunder was threatening our afternoon plans. I went and sat with Dominga and Naomi and waited, convinced my Committee wouldn't come from the Cruce with the sky looking like it was.

And at 2:06, I was proven completely wrong. Their heads rose up over the hill of the dirt road and they were ready, interview and pen in hand. I was so proud (and feeling slightly guilty for doubting them). So the five of us, Casilda, Kelvin, Kilvio, Marizol, and I began our trek. We went to every single house here adentro and then out in the Cruce. We had simple questions for everyone as to just bring about awareness of the project and see how the community felt. Do you feel it would be of great importance to have a Biblioteca Tecnológica? Would you be willing to offer your support in the development of the project? Would you allow your children to use said center? Would you, yourself use it? For you, which is better: that your children are expanding their conocimiento in the center or running around, causing trouble in the streets? 

The last one was my favorite since most people just answered with a laugh. But to literally go to each home, speak with adults and jovenes alike, see their excitement and listen to their responses? Absolutely beautiful. Sure, not all really understand its benefits. Not all will take part and help us. But they are now aware. And so many said such powerful things in response to our efforts. Like Lucila, one of my favorite women here in Mariano. She said that this project is the most beautiful and most impactful project that she has ever seen here in Mariano. Wow. Thank you, Lucila. And here's to keeping that motivation and determination alive for the rest of our lives.

Another reason I fully believe in our committee and their perserverence is that we didn't finish until dark-8pm. When we made it out to the Cruce, I thought for sure we would do half and quit. Again, proven wrong and feeling guilty, we finished at the last home at the tip of Mariano's borders. I was exhausted but completely satisfied. I had no part in this. This was all their idea and they owned the execution entirely. So with about 75 signatures and 100% support, we've invited them all to the meeting today (Thursday) and I've got planning to do. It's now 8:30am, I ran and did leg work with Maria, and I'm going to shower, read, and start. An update on the meeting will come tonight!

So the meeting. We invited every single person from the community, right? Said 2pm-HORA AMERICANA, right? And the committee planned to meet at 1:30 to divvy up the presentation I made and make sure I didn't miss anything, right? Right. So I go to the school at 1:15 to start setting up the computer, TV, chairs, posters, etc. 

Finished, and sat. 2:15 rolls around, not a single person is there-not even from my committee. I lock the door and go to my house to grab my phone... And as I was leaving to walk up the hill and see if they were headed this way yet, sure enough at 2:30, there they are, begging for cold water, Popsicles in hand, eating. Cool.

We get to the school and finish setting up the chairs and talk about the presentation. By the time 3:30 comes, we've got maybe 15 people and decide to start. 

I did a dinámica, we shared info, and the group got weary fast. Then the location struggle. We've got two possibilities. And though I started to realize it before, I now know for a fact that the majority of my committee is manipulating their way into getting the center out in the Cruce because it would be closer to their homes... When maybe, a more central location, near the school would be best for all? Anyways, we've now got our group name, a vision, mission, and valores. 

The next meeting is set up and at 5, we cleared out the room. But the arguments began between committee members on whether or not we should start soliciting for money even if we don't have our location set. This was draining. And when I finally made it home, the conversation continued with Kelvin about location... I'm a little stuck as to what to do. I did see Sandro, however, who has connections with the person who owns the office here, near the school, and is going to give him a call. I'm gonna leave this one in His hands here cuz it's much bigger than me but do all I can to try and make sure the best decision for the community as a whole is made.

Friday update since I didn't do this blog last night? No running or exercises because I woke up sick. Again. It's been over a month now with different things every week. It's certainly getting old.. 

But alas, we push forward even if that currently means pushing forward in my bed at 11am :P 

Bendiciones.

Go Ahead, Call Me Crazy

24 de junio 2014. 

Maybe I shouldn't write this blog. Maybe I'll write it and decide not to publish it once the luz comes back. Maybe I'll do it anyways but look back in 11 months and go, "Julie, were you on drugs last summer?" Maybe I'll get criticized, cast away, and medically confirmed as insane. Maybe this is just hormones. Or what comes with a current lack of work and ample time to sit and think. Or maybe I am, indeed, certifiably insane. 

But maybe something happened today. Something crazy, life-changing, and beautiful. I've fallen in love. Many of you know this already but to the extend to which I feel it, no one really understands. My mom came close. When she was here and a certain young girl latched on to her within the first day, she looked at me and said, "Julie, is it possible to fall in love in one day?" I told her she has no idea. And even I can't contain the feeling, condense it, and form cohesive thoughts to express what my aching heart cries out each and every day. But I when I look at him with that look and he knows he owes me my daily hug, or I let him lie in my lap and just let him fall asleep, or I tell her that I love her and she says nothing back but the smile alone tells all, it's just there. Yes, I've fallen in love three times over. One is 11, another 13, and another 14. And while 11 months remain in this life surrounded by mango trees, zinc roofs, and merengue music, when I think about the day I leave, my face swells up, the tears test my strength, and I want to throw up. Literally. The big blue Peace Corps invitation envelope didn't prepare me for this. No one did. No one could have. My heart belongs to each child here, yes. But these three have absolutely seeped their way into my blood. Becoming family without even trying.

So the research has started. And if you haven't already guessed it, I'm looking into adoption. Certifiably insane, I know. But when an idea imprints itself in my heart before anything makes sense logically in my head, I have to do something. Even if that means looking into it without any real possibility of it becoming reality. But I've looked at PC's policy, the DR's policy, emailed my boss (yup, true story), and spoken with my parents. All of that in one day. And I still feel like I'm going to explode. Or throw up. Take your pick. I almost wish at least one would happen to release some of the pressure. 

What is wrong with me? How would I get them to the states? With what money? Where would we stay? How would people look at me? Am I ready to take on three children at 25 before even having my own or even a husband? Is there even a man out there who would look at me and take on such a responsibility (ha. I find this question funny in the sense that I feel like it should matter more than it seems to)? How could I afford to raise them? What if I want to go back to school? How would they go to school? How would they adjust to life there with the language and culture completely opposing all that they know? Would they miss home too much and regret coming? What if they hate it? How in the world do I even approach their mother about this is the first place?? My life and theirs would be changed forever. And it certainly wouldn't always be easy.

But then I think of my future. With them. And it's so much easier than you think. Being with them all the time. Riding bikes. Going to the movies. Buying them new clothes. Being with my family, them included. Loving them each and every day and showing them that love. Drowning them in it. Coming back to the DR to visit every summer. Teaching them English. Maybe even home schooling them. Waking up in the mornings with them. Providing them with opportunities they could never even dream of. Showing them things they never knew existed. Giving them a future outside this world with dirt roads, latrines, and fights... Most of these are little things. But they seem to easily tip the scale and make all the prior challenging questions fall into insignificance...

Part of this is completely selfish and I will openly admit to that. I always hate the line "I don't know what I'd do without you" when it comes to relationships but I'm telling the truth when I say that I don't know what I'd do without these three. It's almost as if my future is now fuzzy unless they're included. Where did this come from? Yet again, should I be seeing a shrink? 

But you know what? Go ahead, call me crazy. Because when I think of providing this life for them and never having to say goodbye? The peace, joy, and excitement I feel is indescribable. It burns. And I love it.

The River is my New Best Friend

22 de junio 

Blog update!

I went to the river three times this morning to fill two big gallon jugs of water each time. Dique our water system is broken so this is now a regular thing haha.

I'm whooped.

And I visited the new couple in Restauración. They're great :) And met an American teacher who has plans to come back for some projects in January with students from the States. We exchanged emails to keep in touch and possibly involve my campo and others in the area. 

It was wonderful :)

And now time for sleeps.

Que duerman bien!

Softball Fever

21 de junio. So Monday was our arrival. Tuesday I awoke feeling slightly off. Some body aches and stomach issues. But alas, I hung out in the morning and waited for softball practice in the afternoon. Practice was 3 hours and difficult. Again, not sure as to why but my strength was slowly draining and the body pains, rising. At 7pm, we finished and I collapsed on the floor of my patio. Within minutes, the fever struck. With the help of Yoelbi, I made it to my bed, shaking with chills. The rest of the night was brought on by 102 fever, chills, body pains to the point of tears, headache, nausea (dry-heaving for a half an hour cuz I hadn't eaten since noon), and a weakness that hit so hard, I fell to the floor in my house trying to make my way to the latrine (yep, those kinds of stomach problems too). Yoelbi got Tylenol from the clinic around 11pm and my fever finally dropped and I was able to at least rest. But I spent the majority of the night into the madrugada tossing and turning in discomfort. Absolutely insane.  I was trying not to, but I couldn't get the thought of the Chimichunga out of my head.

The next day I awoke but stayed in my bed (mostly) until well into the late afternoon. I had no fever but the body pains and weakness lingered (no Chimichunga!). At 4pm, however, we had the committee meeting and I didn't want to miss it. I got a ride to the Cruce, thank god, and made it through the 3 hour meeting. We have made up a letter soliciting institutions and individuals for help, dates set to meet the first group, the next community meeting rescheduled, and a possible second location confirmed. The first location seems to carry many challenges and the second one is now becoming more ideal. But more details to come when we have more information. We also have an interview that we will be doing with every single community member to spread awareness and also gauge the conocimiento of what it means to have a Biblioteca Tecnológica (new name!). Next Wednesday all 5 of us will be trekking the neighborhood to complete it :). Not my idea-and I love it. **Also, forgive me for not writing about the day we visited the Internet Center in Hipolito (built by the community and a PC Volunteer, Damion. I've been trying to find a way to get the pictures up here on my tablet from a camera that's not my own and without the adapter... Failing miserably. It was a great trip though, we learned a lot of needed steps, and I got home at 10pm with a belly full of mangoes and an energy level through the roof with excitement :) 

Thursday was game day! I spent the morning washing my clothes by hand (after two river-trips), collecting money from my girls, and donating quite a bit more so as to ensure our truck ride. At 2 we were off, jam-packed in the back of the small pick up truck. Sadly, we lost all three games we played... No shocker but I also batted horribly. Talk about embarrassment when the few Dominican men from DaJabón  come up and ask why I sucked so much that day cuz normally that's not the case haha. Of course, me being me, I just wanted to get out of there and never play again. Haha but I probably will continue :P

Just as we finished up a huge construction truck shows up with, I swear, half of my community. The men were up next to play and so I changed and stayed to watch. Aaaaaand.... They lost both games too. Damn. But it was way more fun and impressive watching them play than us.

At midnight we piled into the truck and uncomfortably (very) headed home. The driver was insane (not sure if he was sober...) and we were quite scared on every twist and turn he took with acceleration instead of with breaks. Gracias a Dios we made it injury-free and off to bed I went.

Friday was quite uneventful as I awoke late and proceeded to pass out shortly after with TiTin a donde Nena after lunch. I finally got my ass up and went home and forced myself to at least start organizing the boxes of books Ann brought me so I would at least feel like I'm doing something productive! So far 87 books have been counted, organized by category and written down. I've got the other box to do today (Saturday) and eventually I'll make tags to be placed inside each saying who it was donated by. 

I do feel better despite minor aches and the remaining bathroom issues so mañana I'm headed to Restauración until Monday to help out the gals from FIMRC.

Much love and besos. 

A Time Machine, Family, Breaks, and a Gunshot

19 de junio.  So last Saturday we were off to La Cumbre for the family reunion of my Doña's family. Nena, JuliBey, Regge, and I.  Francheska tagged along and was dropped off with her aunt to spend the summer (me hace mucha falta!). We made it to the Cruce a pie by 7:30am after a quick warm-up of old coffee (cuz you cannot go on a long trip on an empty stomach!) and headed to la cocina. Six of us squeezed into the back and the 7hour trip in a guagua that stops every ratico was off. We picked up one of my Doña's grandsons along the way and when a family of 7 (a mom and 6 little ones) boarded, I snagged the little 3-year old boy and put him on my lap. He was adorable and there were no seats, after all! That is one thing I love about this culture is that you can leave your child with strangers-it's normal and parents don't freak out. Him and I chatted about the houses that were ugly and the houses that were beautiful as we passed them and he eventually passed out. At one of the regular stops where you can run out and get food, one woman ended up taking too long and despite us screaming to the driver to wait, he left. Leaving her behind after she had already paid... Crazy. I'd like to say the rest of the trip was uneventful but after hitting Santiago and a random traffic jam, the people in he guagua started getting up and saying "ay Dios mio" covering their mouths at the site of something. I'll save the details but the young man must have died in a moto accident right then and there. The site was indescribably difficult. The guagua was silent for a while there after... Que Dios me lo cuide en el Cielo.

We arrived at 2:30 in La Cumbre and it was then I realized how close we were to my old home. I knew I somehow had to get there. We hung out and visited random family members, ate, and figured out sleeping arrangements. At night, Nena, Ramón, an older man from there, and I headed to a place that apparently had music, food, and dancing. When we arrived, it was a little dead. We stood around for a second, chatting, scoping it out, when suddenly, someone familiar walked up to us. I literally had to double-take to believe it. It was Fredito. We hugged and 5 other guys from 59 came up behind to say hello. What a whirlwind. Unfortunately, my group wanted to leave so we weren't left with much time to hang out and catch up. But I told him I'd see him the next day.

Sunday morning around 7am we were up and sitting around. I was itching to leave but wasn't sure how to go about doing it. I finally asked my Doña what the day's plans were and if it were better if I left then or later. She said right then because the reunion was later. I booked it. Waited on the side of the thruway just like old times and at 10am, arrived in 59. Passing many along the way, I made it to Dulce's. The poor thing had gotten surgery two weeks prior and was still hurting. Moreno is also not working due to his physical health suffering. But we drank coffee, chatted, and laughed at how bad my Spanish used to be. I then went up to her mom's and saw Fredito, David, Alex, and Lili. Eventually I went down to see my godson. Linda wasn't there, sadly, but I got to hold him. And... He cried the entire time. Haha. I did get to see his beautiful eyes this time, though. 

At 1pm, I knew I should head back-or that I already should've left :P. Fredito took me back and the reunion had already started. Luckily they were just eating and a plate was saved for me. We ate, every click introduced themselves and the head family members that planned it all shared their purpose. They only ever reunite in tragedy. It was time to reunite in alegría. And the next one will be in 6 months. It was short lived but beautiful. Cousins got to meet cousins for the first time. Aunts and uncles met grandparents and nieces and nephews. And I spoke with two older women who spent 12 years working in Argentina. After the clean-up most people left with plenty of time to make it home. We went back to the house we were staying at and hung out, eventually ate dinner and just chatted. I loved it. Around 9pm another surprise showed up. Fredito. Haha He said that a few people that weren't there that morning were in el Puerto (a little bit closer than 59) and asked if I wanted to see them. Of course! I left with him and saw Luis, Domingo, and the father of Lili. We danced and shared some more of our distant lives that used to be so close. I didn't want to leave.

That night after going to bed late, the Doña of the house getting up at 4am to make yucca (????), and again at 6am for good, we were all up. At 11am, the same bus that goes all the way to Restauración was scheduled to pass where we were. After long goodbyes (just like our family!), we made it and my legs cramped up before even sitting down. Haha The bus was already packed so my Doña and I headed to the cocina again with three Haitians and three roosters in sacks. An old man boarded and had to stand due to a lack of seats so I gave him my seat and happily stood. Hours later a seat opened up and I sat next to an old Don. He was amazing. Talking about the loss of love and how much it hurts him to see young couples lacking in affection (all the while grabbing my hand and pulling it close to his heart to show me how things should be). He is more in love with his wife now than he was when he married her. Faith? Revived :). In Santiago he left me and I stood again. Between there and DaJabón I went between sitting and standing. When we arrived in DaJabón, the noisy roosters left with one of the owners throwing up in the back as he stood to get off. Mmmmm. There were seats but again, I was happily stretching out my legs in the aisle. Until.... BREAK!!! goes the guagua as to not crash into a woman crossing the street and flying backwards I go. I landed hard on my left ass cheek. Of course with embarrassment filling my cheeks, I shot up and sat down as a pain in my left leg started to creep down to my foot. Not five minutes later, BAM!! I swear it was a gunshot right next to me as I saw every head on the guagua duck down and get covered by hands. It wasn't a gunshot after all, but  one of the tires directly under my seat that had blown. In Loma we changed it and arrived at 5pm in the Cruce of my site. Wow... Talk about an adventure.

Immediately upon arriving, I limped to the river to fetch water. I hadn't bathed the day before due to a lack of water at the house we were staying at and after that long trip? I was desperate to clean myself of the weekends events. I then got word that a softball game had been set for Thursday-the day of our next community meeting about the internet center/library. Planned by Kelvin, our VP of the committee. Haha. I went back to the Cruce and talked with Kelvin and Casilda. We came to the conclusion that no one remembered the meeting (it was planned on a holiday-had no clue) and that softball games are already impossible to reschedule so! Crash! goes the meeting. But it's okay :) It's still early in the project and the board members and I still had our meeting planned to keep moving forward. 

Finally, exhausted and overwhelmed (not all bad), I fell into my bed and slept.